The Chaos IPA

It’s called Victory and Chaos IPA, emphasis on the chaos in my case with the jury out on if it will be a victory. One minor tweak, technically chaos is a physics thing and if you know me, I am a chem girl (SCUM represent) so we will go with entropy instead. But before I get too far ahead of myself, let’s back up a bit…

Round two of this sorta-self-taught homebrew learning journey. As I type this, I am still a little over a week to finding out how the weizen turned out. I’m learning that is how this goes. Sure, I could wait until the first [official] learning batch was drinkable before starting the next lesson in brewing, but an empty fermenting carvoy is hard to ignore when it could be making beer. Inefficiency makes my eye twitch.

So round two, officially dubbed “extract with specialty grains brewing” or what Jake and I dub steep brewing ‘cuz you steep the grains, like a bag of tea leaves. This was the brewing method that the box had me make with the old ingredients so the method had already been tried. While I still looked over the recipe and instructions, used the scaling calculator to scale down to a gallon, I was pretty sure this wouldn’t be all that difficult. First sign of entropy: overconfidence. 

Jake and I headed to our favorite potions shop brewer supplier with my list of necessary supplies in hand. While the owner was finishing up the previous customers, I was able to locate half the supplies list and was feeling very good about myself. Once it was my turn I just needed assistance with three items; new tubing (cuz I left the old one out too long prior to soaking and now has permanent chunkies), specialty grains (which needed to be measured on a scale), and malt extract. He quickly collected these and even had the malt extract in an exact amount rather than a large can, score! Naturally, Jake and I had to stay for a round at the attached brewery. 

Fast forward to brew day. I had originally planned on brewing on a Thursday, my normal day off. However, I picked up that shift at work to cover for a coworker and then went back and forth a bunch before deciding to brew anyway once I got home. The girls at work were going to get me out as early as possible. Everything went according to plan and I was home at noon. Just kidding, I was out two hours early and home at 5pm. My ingredients were already pulled out from the fridge waiting for me, so I just decided to brew prior to making dinner and attempt to be asleep at a reasonable time ‘cuz your girl was tired. Second sign of entropy: crunched time table.

So I set up my counter and sink, started sanitizing equipment, and weighing ingredients. Wait a second…my pound and a half of liquid malt extract is decidedly missing the “and a half” part. Ok, don’t panic. You only sanitized everything and warmed up your ingredients, the supplier is closed, and even if it was open you’re in swamp monster form and clearly not leaving the apartment. We will roll with it. So I continued on, and then realized I didn’t have filtered water and the tap water, while drinkable, is not the best quality. Breathe in, breathe out. Third sign of entropy: half assed ingredients.

Everything is set up, I have my phone ready to record. I press record and go to open the can of beer (first step to homebrewing). And it does an admirable impression of Old Faithful as it foams over creating a huge mess. A choice phrase left my mouth if I am being honest. I attempt a second take, hit record…and the second can, while not as good of a performance as the first, still foams up and I give up. Fourth sign of entropy: even the drinkable beer is against you.

Cruising along, brewing some beer, well technically wort at this point. Despite all road bumps, I am feeling alright. So alright, that I decide to cook dinner while waiting for the batch to boil. Since you all know how great I am at multitasking. Yea, I can hear that eye roll from here. So I started dinner. Somewhere between chopping tomatoes and mid boil I add the second set of hop pellets. Ten minutes later I realize I added them a half hour too soon, yes, a half hour. I realize at this point I was too tired and never should have started this brew. Fourth sign of entropy: multitasking with an empty tank.

Jake finally arrives at home, just in time for dinner and to pitch the yeast. I am not a horrible person so I did let him have dinner before requiring manual labor. Naturally, I spill not an insignificant amount of the batch attempting to pour it into the carvoy. If I was generous I’d say I had 55% yield, maybe 60% if you squint hard. So I top it off with more tap water and have Jake do the pitching. Fifth sign of entropy: watering down the wort.

So the Chaos Entropy IPA is currently bubbling away in the laundry closet. We will need to wait and see if there is any Victory here.

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