Revenge of the Cockamouse

First. If you have never heard of a cockamouse, youtube How I Met Your Mother cockamouse. You’re welcome.

Second. To truly understand this situation, you will need to know that I dealt with not one, but two seasons of the freeloading cockamouse in my Anoka house. It was mildly traumatizing.

Let’s jump in.

Jake and I spent a looong time trying to find a site to park for our third night in Washington. It was a learning curve, but we found a cute site along some river just outside Olympic National Park. It was also very sunny and very warm. Uncharacteristically sunny and unusually warm we were told by almost every local we talked to. The temp was stagnant in the mid-80’s and like I said the sun was in full force. It was a sweaty day, which led to a sweaty afternoon, and a sweaty evening. 

To give me some space for a D&D game inside the van, Jake popped the rooftop tent to chill and cool off. As the night approached, he called down that he was staying up there for the night as a breeze had picked up and was blowing well through the tent windows. I had no qualms and quickly sprawled with Leinie on the bed, not bothering with any blankets. Finding sleep has never been a problem on this trip and having ample room for the first night in a long time, I quickly fell asleep.

Only to wake up to something falling on the roof? Or maybe it was nothing. I had just started to doze back off when I heard something up front (van front was facing the road around the campground). Who in the damn hell is driving at this time?! I didn’t see any headlights, but I was uneasy. The noise of gravel? Dragging? Crinkle-ish? I mean the road is gravel, but I should see something right?!

I grab my phone at check the time. 2am, yep, way too late/early to be a nuisance when someone is trying to sleep. Never interrupt my sleep, it’s beast mode and I am not responsible for anything that happens to you.

I use my phone light to try and see through the windshield but nothing. Leinie is sitting up, alert. Hmmm. I turn off the light and wait. Yep, the noise again. I quickly turn the light on and see nothing. 

I am the first to admit, I am not a brave individual. Fight or flight, more like freeze and scream. But I gathered what adult unmentionables I could and took a few slow breaths. Off goes the light. There’s the noise. I wait a breath, two breaths. Whatever it is, it is definitely in the van. Shit. One more deep, shaky breath. Ok, focus Sandra. Use your brain. I slowly turn the brightness up on my screen while it is facing the bed to mask the light and listen to try and hone in on the terrifying noise that is….omg, in my kitchen?!  I flipped the phone and made eye contact with…the effing freeloading cockamouse. 

I’d like to say that I busted out a crazy, badass move and sucker punched the S.O.B. through the door. But I am a bad liar. I screamed, like the chicken shit I am. 

Then I called Jake. Yes, called him on the phone. He answered promptly and I told him we had a cockamouse. Why didn’t I just yell or talk at the roof-top tent? I panicked okay? It happens. Anywho, his logical response to my panic was “What do you want me to do?” Come down here and wage battle, obv. He did.

In fact, he saw the cockamouse himself and said something along the lines of “he is huge”. Very helpful, thanks. He armed himself with one of our trash bags (grocery produce bag) and our soup ladle. We spent the entire night unable to sleep and started to doze off around 6am. 

Armed with a plastic bag and soup ladle

We drove to the nearest mercantile and got two toilet seat traps. I am not kidding, they resemble toilets.

Toilet of death

Then we went for a hike. To allow the cockamouse to meet their flushable doom. Well, they were having none of that and we came back, twice, to empty traps. We weren’t discouraged. We went to the nearest Walmart to diversify our traps. We found our next campsite and then it was war. 

The traps were set and not even a 15 minutes to us turning off the lights did we hear one of the newer traps go off. Jake jumped to action and found him caught in the trap and quickly resolved that problem. We left the remaining traps in place until morning since you know what they say about one mouse. Well, morning came and we must’ve grab the one solitary cockamouse in existence. The traps were put into storage in the case of the re-revenge of the freeloading cockamouse.

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Short Essays From The Road

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Washington

Main Campaign: Washington

5/12-24/2023

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Washington felt like a wild-fermented beer. What in the hell is a wild-fermented beer you ask? It is a style of brewing that has the fermentation tank open to the environment. This allows the yeast in the surrounding environment to ferment the beer. It results in a slightly different beer each batch. In my opinion it’s gambling, you never know what you’ll get. 

I do admit Washington had the unfortunate fate of following Oregon. Just like my brothers had to follow in the shadow of a legend (yours truly), the bar was unnaturally high. Washington had a rough stumble out of the starting gate. The coast was tough to like. Just like a beer brewed in the open, I ended up with at least one bug in my mouth and a cockamouse.

Moving toward the Puget Sound, you get a taste of the potential it could be with amazing views and nice neighborhoods, but then you get the skunk aftertaste of a street/tent-dweller’s boot.

I see you’re getting frustrated. Why would you drink a beer like this? At best it may be slightly over average, at worst you’re choking on bugs. Because, just like Jake’s game of roulette, you may hit green. 

Tucked in a quiet corner as close to Canada as you could get, you get a taste of something wonderful. It has flavors you recognize, but never in this combination. Yes, it took three batches, but this batch blows the rest away. It’s basically perfect, the Bellinghamster Batch.

Just like a winning streak, it doesn’t last. The next batch was an attempt at a popular Bavarian style and fell short. No bugs, but shockingly a taste of wild mushrooms. But that’s how it goes with wild-fermented beer. Chaos, gambling, luck.

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A Beer Enthusiast's Roadmap To America

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Suck It Up

Month Three: Suck It Up

6/5/2023

Oregon - Washington - Montana - Wyoming - Utah

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And just like that we are three months deep into our adventure. This month we slowed down and took our time exploring the PNW. In the midst of the forested woods, we learned a new theme: Suck it up. The scenery helped and so did the beer.

Bend. Oh, glorious Bend, our beloved brown ale. We spent over a week parked at a trailhead just outside town. We hit the trails in the morning and then explored town in the afternoon. And we drank beer. How could we not when the town has one of the highest breweries per capita in the nation. Sedona who?

Halfway through our stay, our monthly theme would catch me as I went ass over teakettle on Jake’s mountain bike and did an admiral impression of a rock skipping water except it was my face and the asphalt. And to ensure my ego wasn’t too intact after that, I slipped getting out of the van and tweaked the hell outta my bad ankle. Time to suck it up, buttercup.

I watched Jake hit the trails in the following mornings while I took vitamins (read: nsaids) and limped my bleeding and bruised self around camp until Jake returned and we explored town more. The ample opportunities for beer on tap helped with the pain and the fomo (Mom, that stands for “fear of missing out”).

We had a long, drawn-out farewell with our new favorite city. We slept in, made our way to a brewery and parked ourselves for several hours. Jake demolished the best smashburger of all time, made from the food truck outside. Finally, we sucked it up and returned to the road. We started this trip with the intention to explore after all.

Breweries visited: Goodlife, 10Barrel, Bend Brewing, Deschuetes

We headed west in the hopes of exploring Crater Lake only to find out that we should have researched ahead of time. It was currently under six feet of snow with a single driveable viewpoint of the lake. It was freezing cold at that elevation, the heavy traffic made the snow icy slick, and my swollen foot only fit in my moccasin still. Sucked it up and was awarded an amazing view of the lake. We will need to visit again in better weather and fitness.

Temp stand-in until a nice picture is downloaded from the fancy camera…

Continuing west, we came upon the Oregon Coast. We had no expectations for the area and were completely blown away. What is normally a six hour drive from point-to-point, we spread over five days. Just like a maibock, this area was for slow, sippin’ enjoyment. We ate and drank our way from Coos Bay in the south to Astoria in the north, with breaks for us to disc golf and Jake to bike. Still nursing a heavily bruised, swollen ankle and foot I completed both recent seasons of Love is Blind and Bridgerton within those five days as I had run out of available books on my kindle. We suck it up in our own ways, ok?

Obligatory hiking pic of Oregon coast

Rogue International HQ

Tillamook Creamery to eat our weight in dairy

Heeeey you guuuuys! Goonies beach.

Breweries visited: 7 Devils, Rogue Bayfront & International HQ, Pelican, Astoria, Buoy Brewing…also, Tillamook Creamery (disclosure: not a brewery, but just as awesome)

Oregon had been such a delight, from wooded, arid desert to moss-covered rainforests, dune-filled beaches, picturesque bays and harbors. In the midwest every town has a bar and a church, in Oregon it's a dispensary and two breweries. I kid you not. The state welcomes van-dwelling vagabonds with a hug and free sample of beer. We discovered that casinos will let you park for free and give you free slot play to boot. Both mornings we awoke hungover were directly following a casino evening, hmm. We had to remind ourselves that we needed to keep exploring, our adventure wasn’t over yet. So onward to Washington we went.

We weren’t ready to ditch the PNW coast yet and attempted to follow the Washington portion north. That ended with a few hours following a U-shaped road on a peninsula looking at sloughs (the fancy word for swamps) only to end up on the main highway north towards Olympic National Park. 

Found Sasquatch

Olympic was … unlike any other national park we had visited. First, it’s huge. Something like a million acres? Second, there’s no gate where you show your pass, at least where we drove. It had us questioning if we were in the park or outside the park. Which is important with a trail doggo since the NPS doesn’t allow them many places in parks. A rant for another day. Within the park, there were private homes which was weird. There were also some campgrounds managed by the NPS and others by the state which required a separate pass. Sucking it up was rather frustrating.

Washington thus far had the unfortunate luck of following glorious Oregon. It couldn’t win. The flying ant-bugs were horrible. It was sweltering hot, apparently unseasonably sunny and warm for this time of year. Campgrounds were small with limited sites that filled quickly. And we had the unwelcome return of the cockamouse. It felt like the roulette game of a wild-fermented beer and Lady Luck was just not on our side. If it wasn’t for an obligation in Tacoma we would’ve left then and there.

Jake, armed with a plastic bag and soup ladle, ready to wage war on the cockamouse

With a work “observation” in Tacoma, we hesitantly entered the Puget Sound area. From the north end of Tacoma with the view of the sound, it had us regretting our grumbling about the state and starting to get the feels again. But the town is waging war on the houseless and nowhere in town allows overnight parking, casinos and rest stops included. The travel center had hired private security to patrol and only allowed CDL drivers to spend the night. In a desperate race against time we lucked out with a county campground two towns over with super chill campground hosts. 

A hurried morning and having to be “on” for five hours left me dehydrated, starving, and mentally exhausted. Beer and pizza later, we explored the weird McMenamis Elks Temple and hit up Dorky’s arcade bar in Tacoma. The city can be fun but it felt like downtown LA with more chaos.

Jake enjoying the McMenamis Elks Temple

The next morning we were en route to Seattle. I have always loved visiting this city prior and was excited to show Jake what I loved here, but it was never with a car or needing to drive. That challenge aside, we ate and drank our way through Pike Place Market, Pioneer Square and back. We met Barista Brandon who gave us free espressos and great recommendations for the next time we visit. 

Eating our weight in seafood.

Seattle was a quick visit since parking was costing us as much as gas. So we found ourselves in traffic heading north. During a grocery and laundry stop we debated just heading straight east and scratching our plans to head north to Bellingham. Washington was still not sitting right with us. We decided to suck it up and give it one more chance, but held zero expectation.

Well, what would ya know? Even wild-fermented beers can turn out shockingly good. Bellingham was the best kept secret of the trip. A randomly stumbled upon town in a trail app that turned into a three day stay because we couldn’t pull ourselves away. It was Fort Collins without the Patagonia cult (though high 70’s isn’t conducive to the better sweater). It had the outdoor feel of Bend, but had an ocean to boot and better road infrastructure. Ok B-ham, ok.

The Portal, container park in Bellingham

So sucking it up wrought unforeseen reward. Noted.

We headed east and hit up the kitchy town of Leavenworth. For a town fashioned from Bavarian culture, spaetzle was surprisingly hard to find. I don’t know who out there needs to hear this: There is more to German food than bratwurst and pretzels! You’re welcome.

Touristy, no?

I attempted to suck it up, but spaetzle and schnintzle have a special place in my heart/gut, so I was rather pouty about it. The universe or the natural chaos that is wild fermentation must have heard me because I happened upon a few morels while peak bagging with Leinie. As anyone in our situation would, Jake and I enjoyed scramby eggs topped with … we’ll go with charred morels.

We hit Spokane for town chores and cheap movie theater tickets for Dungeons and Dragons. I cried from laughing so hard. Then before we knew it, we were waving goodbye to Washington.

Breweries visited: E9, Pike Place, Khulsan, Menace, Gruff, Boundary Bay, Icicle

Looking at the calendar, we realized that we had planned visits with friends quickly approaching…several states away. Oops. We had some dedicated driving days in our future. Time to suck it up, again.

Driving days were not this much fun

We did a hop and skip through the chimney of Idaho to reach Montana. We wanted to desperately enjoy Montana but limited time meant carefully picking spots to stop. Glacier was still under snow and constant on/off rain prevented biking and hiking. Our first pick, Missoula held the nicest laundry facility of our trip thus far. But no brewery patio in town would allow dogs so we were quickly back on the road.

Just past Butte, we parked ourselves in dispersed land on the continental divide. It happened to also be the Friday of Memorial Day weekend so naturally it was crowded as hell, with atv/side-by-side/dirt bike riding, gun totin’ free ‘Muricans. True story, we heard music blasting all night and Jake woke to someone shooting guns at 7am. Something about loud music and fear of a stray bullet passing through your vehicle isn’t conducive to sound sleep, I guess. We woke up feeling more tired than when we went to bed.

We packed up and went across the highway to the non-motorized portion of public land and placed some pawprints on the CDT. It’s a triple crown trail when paired with the PCT and AT. While we don’t plan on thru hiking these bad boys, we have hiked portions of two now. AT, looking at you.

Continental Divide Trail

We stopped in Bozeman for a break from the road miles where we spent a couple of glorious hours at the hot springs. One guy in our pool asked if we were the couple he met the previous night where he worked. The subliminal messaging must’ve worked because we ended up at his brewery a couple hours later by complete accident. Weird. Bozeman felt bougie, the California influx was palpable. A stark contrast to the previous night.

Montana’s landscape is glorious, but rain prevented us from hitting the trails. The time crunch left us with little time to stop anyway. We ended up clocking miles while discussing why we were left confused by Montana. It was hard to put a finger on it. I wanted to love it, the wild-ness of the landscape called to us but the settled population left me confused. You’re telling me that gun-totin’ free ‘Muricans are so afraid of dog hair in their food that they ban dogs from even being on an outdoor patio? It tasted like wort, Montana was having an identity crisis and needed to figure out what it wanted to be when it grew up.

Making good mileage left us with a few days to explore the parks in Wyoming and we scored the best dispersed (free) camping site yet on this trip.

10 outa 10 recommend for reading, working, and napping

Yellowstone was first and we spent two days exploring this crazy fenceless zoo filled with ominous holes.

Yellowstone is the epitome of the Floor is Lava game

Grand Teton was next up to bat and left me googling future backcountry trips. I am actively choosing to ignore the type 3 fun we had in Maroon Bells and telling myself it’s the type 2 fun of Whitney.

Is this even real?!

We took a break to stretch the legs in Jackson Hole before continuing on. And ohmigosh, the rain. So much rain. Since hitting trails was out of the question, we did some of our longest driving days yet. In one day we bounced from Wyoming to Idaho to Utah back to Wyoming ping ponged back to Utah before returning to Wyoming. Dizzy? So was I.

More intermittent rain left us with town days and plenty of naps. With so many days in a row of nothing but driving and listening to rain, it was getting very hard to suck it up. Jake was ready to throw in the towel and head straight to a couch and shower in Minnesota, but we persevered and were rewarded. We finally got some sunshine the last two days of our third month where we could hike around the border of Utah and Colorado looking at dinosaur bones. Hold onto your butts, month four is just starting.

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